Michelle Williams' grief gardening

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Michelle Williams got over Heath Ledger's death by gardening.

The 'Brokeback Mountain' actress struggled to cope when her former lover - with whom she has a three-year-old daughter Matilda Rose - died from an accidental drugs overdose in January 2008 but gained strength to deal with his untimely passing after moving to a different property in New York.

She said: "My friends never really left me alone when we came up here. One got me gardening in the spring and that's when it all turned around. I remember being on my hands and knees. The ground was cold and muddy. I pushed back the dead leaves and saw green shoots of spring. Under all this decay something was growing. Caring for the garden reminded me to care for myself."

Last July, Michelle - who split from Heath in August 2007 - began dating director Spike Jonze but admits moving on hasn't been easy.

She told America's Vogue magazine: "I thought falling in love again was the only thing that was going to save me from the pain. This is an erroneous idea - it just makes things more complicated.

"I feel hopeful and grateful. For a while I thought we had lost everything. It makes you want to love better and live better."

But the 29-year-old actress is slowly getting her life back together and draws strength from daughter Matilda.

She added: "I was holding it together by a string and a paper clip in the fall and winter. I didn't know if I could keep it all together... You console yourself by saying it's all a deepening process. But it's weird. After the first year, the pain is less intense - it's less immediate. But the magical thinking goes away too. And that's a whole new reckoning.

"Every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at Matilda."